The True Quiet Strength (of adulthood)

When I was younger... junior high age, roughly... I took to cussing. I remember vividly the first cuss word I ever intentionally said (after the initial, really-young, soap-in-the-mouth variety, that is). I remember where I was, why I said it, who I was with - and I have to tell you that it is a-maz-ing for me to remember all that detail, because my memory of such things is not always so hot. 

I'm the one on the front left in the oversized blue jacket - I was never one of the "in" crowd, but I had my friends.
Two of my four brothers are also in this shot
I won't identify any of them out of kindness.

29 Gifts - Day 22 - A Gift of Faith

There is a new Orthodox chaplain at the base near us. He kind of travels around from parish to parish for Sunday Divine Liturgy but he'd like to start holding mid-week services on base as well. His first effort at this has been to start holding Akathist services three days a week. Well, I took all of the kids on Thursday (day 21, for you who are counting). The Catholic church/chaplain gave him the use of a small side-chapel so we were able to be in a smaller, more close-in setting for the prayers. That is a good thing with restless younger kids around!

Actually this is a window from the back of our last church in Maryland, but it fits in until I can get a better picture of the little chapel.

29 Gifts: Day 4

Gifts of time and books

It took me a while to get to my gift today. I had a list of things to do and as so often happens not a lot of spare time it seemed. But the truth is I did have spare time. I puttered around, I perfected my molasses bread (mentioned in Gift #2) and I got a number of things done for "me." But as I drove around in my newly-repaired Pilot, it occurred to me that I hadn't really given a Gift yet. Not really. 

I hadn't spent extra time with my kids or picked up the phone to talk to anyone or given anything away... I just hadn't. 

29 Gift Challenge - Day 3

Today was a pretty good day. We got up way too late, we spent time puttering around the house (had to skip church because the car window is shattered and it was not safe to drive in it to get there), the kids spent time with their friends and I spent a chunk of the day trying out a different version of a new bread I'm working on (Multigrain Molasses Bread, in case you're interested.)

And then I checked my FaceBook messages. I got a message asking for my Molasses bread recipe.

...

Hmmm... This could present a problem.

29 Gifts Challenge

In the past, the boys have done prank wars to varying levels of success, until someone gets too overzealous and ticks someone else off in a real way. So with our birthday and holiday season upon us, and the house ready to hit high levels of

 fun and tension, I have challenged the boys to two things: The 2nd is to do "sneak" gift attacks on one another, without looking for the "glory" of a thank you or the accolades, etc. of doing something good for someone else. Doing good for the sake of doing good.  (The 1st I'll talk about a bit more below.)

Got downstairs after tucking everyone in to find these goodies on the counter waiting for me: (the oj is a prize as it is the last in the house and EVERYONE loves it!)

I'll Be in the Kitchen

Moving status update: 

We're about 2/3 of the way packed.

One room that has remained largely out and unpacked is the kitchen. Jeff has talked about how much is left in there and what all is left to be done.

I suppose there is a reason for that. I packed a lot of the kitchen six weeks ago - but nothing since then. My kitchen... I start to pull boxes into that room, and I find some reason to deflect to another room to pack first.

Lessons Learned While At Tea

Buttercup wanted to have a tea party with a neighborhood friend before we leave for our new home. So we invited the friend over once she returned from her summer vacation with her family.

I go out to a teahouse with Spinster Beth and Slick once a year for a birthday celebration. At our little teahouse, we have goodies like finger sandwiches, fruit, scones and little desserts to go with our high tea. I had a slightly toned down idea of this sort of tea for Buttercup and her friend, but being that I'm still packing and moving I didn't make it to the store to get the goodies to serve. On top of that, it occurred to me that perhaps the friend won't like actual tea so lemonade might be a better option.

Whew! Another "Quickie"...

I have three other posts started and saved but no time to finish them right now while we pack up to move. So to keep things relatively "fresh" on here, I'm going to keep things simple with pictures of every day life over the last week or so...

  

 Baby boy hanging out, getting photographed by someone small. He's pretty amiable. I tried to get a picture of him with his purple ball, but he wouldn't sit still for me, just them.

Facing Challenges in Life

This is a post about rising to the Challenges life gives us, growing in those challenges to become bigger and better people, and broken appliances and the lessons they teach us by no longer functioning...

Do you ever catch yourself saying, "I need to 'catch up' on the laundry"? I've been saying that for some time now, but something has occurred to me about that particular phrase, "catch up on laundry"

You can never really catch up on laundry because there is always more laundry being generated

Appreciating the Smallest Moments...

Here I continue the appreciation and recognition of my four wonderful children. The first part is posted here.

Smeagol was looking over my shoulder at some pictures I had e-mailed to the Grandparents. Maestro was labeled a "handsome boy," Buttercup was "Pretty Girl," etc. and then there was his picture in which he was labeled, "Goofy Boy" with the follow-up that I hoped it never changed about him.

He asked why he was "goofy" and enjoyed my answer when I pointed out that his shirt was a church shirt, partly tucked into Spiderman shorts, but only in front, and he had a huge goofy grin going. He takes some small delight in being goofy still. I know that will change as he gets older. It did for my brothers, it will for him.

Enjoying the Small Moments

The other day, Buttercup came to me while I was making dinner. She's two, and at a point where helping "make" dinner or pretending tea party is of high interest to her, so it was not unusual that she took out our smallest cutting board and wandered off with it. Until a short time later, when she returned, very pleased with herself, to show me her creation:

Crayon washes out - eventually - and it was only a cutting board,

In Appreciation of Mom

Not too long ago, I was yanked from a sound dream to my name being called, "MOM!"... "MOOOOOM!"

Grumble... grumble...

"I need to go potty."

Okay, so he is old enough that he doesn't need his hand held for this any more but for whatever reason the boys have all looked for that late-night (early morning!) reassurance that I'm still there when they need me - even for going to the bathroom. (Truthfully, by now, I go stand and wait, remind them to wipe the seat, put the lid down, flush the toilet and wash their hands...)

Teachers who Were and Who Were "Almost"

I had it suggested that I create a post a about some of the teachers that I remember from my own school years. As it happens, I made one as a FaceBook note quite some time back. I'm transferring that here now. Enjoy!

This thought occurred to me the other day:

In high school, I had an AP (Advanced Placement - do they still do those classes??) history class. The teacher was a great teacher and the class got into some of the most interesting conversations. The instructor would let it go on for some time - three or four minutes, maybe five? - and then would say, "But we digress..." and thereby bring the class back to the topic at hand. I learned a lot in that class.

But I could have learned more. In large part, I didn't learn as much as I could because of my own lack of effort, and though he was a good teacher, he didn't push us for more. Instead, he gave us lots of room to explore and discuss (helpful in adult discussions and debates, not so much for history!)

I had a Japanese class at the same school. Very nice teacher - one of my favorites. He was a new teacher, still very green and looking to save-the-world-through-teaching. He started a hiking club and I joined - he tried to encourage my vocabulary acquisition by quizzing me as we hiked through the woods and up the hills. The club didn't last long, unfortunately and I am not sure where the teachers is now.

A third teacher - longer in the tooth, taught English, had very definite and high expectations, or gave the appearance of it. She tried to make it so her higher grades were hard to get, but there was still always the feeling of who-were-her-favorites.

These teachers all stand out in my mind and memory - and for me, that is a big leap, I don't seem to have a whole lot of memory space left (can somebody hand me my RAM, please??) But each of these represents something else in my memory - teachers who were "almost."

Finally, my junior high band teacher. Definitely long on the tooth - he was the band teacher when my (ahem...) MOTHER was at the same junior high 20 years before. But he will always stand out for me. He was the teacher who held us to high standards; who expected we had practiced, stopped us in front of the other students and said that what we were doing wasn't what it should have been. Who cared enough to be honest and tell us that we weren't giving it our all; that we weren't. Doing. Our. Best.

My last day of junior high - a place that I would NOT miss being at because of the students, not the teachers (many of whom I really admired and looked up to) - I went to his classroom and, of all the teachers, I went to say goodbye and I hugged him... and I cried. I didn't know where I was going or what was coming next, but I knew I was leaving behind a teacher who really made us feel like he cared about us enough to say that we could do better.

As a home schooling mom, I hope that I will be that teacher - the man from my junior high band (Mr. Sorenson, for those in the know). I hope that my own children - and their friends - will look at Mrs. Edens and say, "She cared enough to hold us to standards and to make us reach for the stars, even as she gave us the stepladder to get there."

Is that too much to ask?

Embracing Your Purpose - I

This is my crew. This is the group that makes every day worthy of a smile and a nod as I get up to search, bleary-eyed, for a cup of joe. I count every day with them a blessing because one day... all but Jeff will be gone. I need to enjoy each minute for what it has to offer because someday I'll look back with nostalgia even as I enjoy those future minutes. I don't need to continue (re-)living my "best" years from high school. Those minutes are gone. Here is where I need to be and where I make sure I am.


It was not always this way. I had to learn that lesson over a long time - not wasted time, because it did teach me the lessons I needed to know, but a long time...

When I was young, I joined the Navy, married, had Maestro, our first child, left the Navy and then... floundered. From my earliest memories, being in the military was all I had ever dreamed of doing. I wanted so badly to fly the F-16s. That part of my dream for life is the only part that did not come to pass.

What was to come after the military, I never gave much - any - thought to. I was going to stay in the military for 20 years, what did I need to think about? But I left the Navy when our oldest was 14 months old. In staying home with our son, at first, I was pretty miserable. I was lonely in that Georgia town; I stayed home with a 14-month old boy, pregnant with a second, and had no further aspirations than those that had already passed and been done with. My adventures were over at 23.

When our second son was four months old, we moved from Georgia to Maryland. The children, pets and I all went west to stay with my in-laws in Denver. Here is how that conversation went:

Me, talking to my father-in-law Jeff, who had always told us "if you ever need anything, just ask:"

Me: Hi, Jeff. You've always said if we need anything to just ask, and I know this may not be what you meant, but we're moving to Maryland and the kids and animals and I need a place to stay for a while until Jeffery (my husband) finds a house for all of us.

Jeff: Uh... Okay. How long are we talking about?

Me: I have no idea. We've never bought a house before, but I don't really think it will take longer than a month or two...

Now, I dearly love my husband's family. I am so blessed to be married into a family that I love and enjoy as much as my own birth-family, and my father-in-law and I get along very well, if I do say so myself. However, I'm preeetty suuure taking in his grown son's wife, two grandsons, three dogs (to which he is allergic), cat (also allergic), and six (at the time) birds was not quite what he meant when he said to just ask! My big, allergic, awesome father-in-law very nicely, and gamely said to come on out.

In the end, we stayed with him for about three months (Sept. - Thanksgiving) and Jeff found us a house. We stayed with my mom for the month of December until the New Year and then flew out to Maryland. In spite of being technically in a big city (Baltimore), the neighborhood is a throwback to the 1950's. There is an active Neighborhood Watch, there a lots of children on our street and the next one over who are very well behaved, the families get together for block parties and bar-b-ques - we just generally all get along well in spite of political differences, religious differences, etc. In short, it's a great place to bring our children through their formative years.

But what did that mean for me? I still had no real aspirations or goals. I was drifting. I was determined not to stay miserable in our new home. In the seven years since then, we've lost all but two dogs and the cat remaining, the rest all passed on; we have four children now - three boys and a girl, and life is a swiftly flowing river, to borrow a phrase. I've tried various work-from-home ideas: mystery shopping, direct sales, etc. Each of those lasted about two years (including one direct sales thing I did in Georgia) and each of those reconfirmed that I am not a born sales(wo)man! The one job I have kept working at, albeit slowly is the memorial book company I started when Jeff was gone for a stretch. The project I have been working on for that company is another blog post - but not for now.

The point to all of this is that there has to be a "next" - what comes after all the goals you've set for yourself have been met? What is your next goal? What are you reaching for? What are you hoping/dreaming/wishing will happen in your lifetime?

The question that should follow next is what are you doing - or going to do - to make those goals and dreams realities? The answer should never be a heavy sigh, rolled eyes or an admission of defeat. Think about your "self talk" - those words you say to yourself that affirm what is great about you, and what you are capable of - or those little nasty thoughts that come out that slow you down and make life dreary. If you are doing nothing to get to your goals, letting self talk destroy your dreams and who you are deep down, or if you're not even setting goals, then you've sold yourself short; you've given up on using the wonderful talents God gave you; you've squandered that which you were meant, and made, to share with others.

I firmly and truly believe two things: 1) there is a job out there for each and every person who wants one that will be pleasing to that person - I have known several men who worked at the local garbage dump and truly loved going to work each day. THAT is what I'm getting at with number one. 2) Ten percent of the people in our population (so I read years and years ago) work in jobs that they love - L.O.V.E - be one of the 10%. Life is too short to remain part of the back 90%. Every day that you get up, you should smile because you're getting ready to go to work and you love it.

With my children around me to wish me good morning every day, with the home schooling, baking, crocheting, photography and writing I get to do each day - when my feet hit the floor I am ready ... for a cup of coffee...

Oh wait... for work! Yes! Ready for... zzzzz... cooofffeee... WORK and the excitement that being a stay-at-home-mom provides each day while I watch my children grow, learn and shine. There is no better place to be. We have goals we're working on, and that is in part II of this post, but I can honestly say that I have a charmed life. Whether we're up or down as a family, whatever is going on, I am at peace with where I am in life. I am happy knowing that even when I don't get my way, there is a reason and better is always just a step around the next corner. Now on to the goals and achieving them - found in part II...