Sunday, February 15, 2015

Steeling Myself for Life's Transitions

I did not go to church today. It is not often that I miss Liturgy and those times (you know the ones) where you wake up and just. Don't. Feel. Like. Going. - I usually still go because it is the right thing to do. And I am always glad I did.

One of my favorite of the Skeptic's icons
St. Patrick

But today I did not go. The Crunchy Skeptic was ill yesterday and so while he slept and rested, I put DiGize on his queazy stomach, and Thieves on his feet and in the diffuser and then left the room to let him get better. And so today I decided to stay home in case the rest of us might have a touch of "whatever" he brought home from work.

But the thing is, I've struggled lately. We have about 15 weeks left before The Skeptic retires and our lives change forever from what we've known up to now. Fifteen weeks to figure out where we'll live; fifteen weeks to see my income grow so he can remain home to work on his education, writing icons in our church, and other such pursuits; fifteen weeks to get myself and our home lives balanced. And we've looked at a few homes to try to rent, but had no one yet who thought we looked worthy enough to even call us back. 

And I don't worry about it most of the time. Those things don't bother me as much. My soul is not quiet though. It is restless and agitated. I am increasingly concerned by the amount of "stuff" in my house - and overwhelmed by how to go through it all, and how to sort it out and rid myself of the albatrosses therein. I struggle with the home we have from before our move here - a home we still own, but that has become an albatross in itself. A home we love, but really do need to find a way to move on to a new owner, and can't seem to do.

So today, I missed church, wrote a blog post for Three Friends Fitness on a topic I really am enjoying learning about, read a bit of a real, paper-bound book (I've been trying to model that desired, non-screen behaviour more lately), and am working on getting my enthusiasm up for going through all the stuff in our house, in our souls and in our budgets. Those parts are butt-kickers, I'll be honest. It is hard to let go of our comfortable spots. I know I'll feel so so much better once I just get to it. But I haven't yet.

Then I got ready to do this post, and opened up my Bible pretty randomly (I often think God is not above using such a method to help us reach the message we need) to read this:

I know it's not Monday, but close enough.

Isaiah 40:25-26, 29-31

25To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? Saith the Holy One. 26Lift up your eyes on these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.

29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. 30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: 31But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

And I will rest my hope on that collection of verses. I'll take it as a little bit of admonition to get to work, and continue to know that there is no need to worry, but to remain strong in my knowledge that He will provide as he always has. In every way. On to the week.


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