Get Back to Work!

Diligence... Lacking in so many, so hard to maintain in oneself, especially when working from home. I have three jobs that I count as "top line" in my occupation list: my children (that encompasses homeschooling, training, upkeep, etc.), my house, and completing the books I've been working on for far too long. Obviously, my children are going to come first, then the house - work that I do throughout much of the day. But the books are contracted, I've been paid for them and have set my goal for finishing them up. Those books are far more important to me than any contract though. I suppose I need to explain...

Somehow, as a military spouse, you have more free time when your spouse is deployed. I've never been able to explain why that is, since when Jeff is not deployed I have an extra set of adult hands in the house to help me take care of things, but somehow I am busier when he is around. Regardless, when Jeff was deployed in 2007, I had enough time and extra money to start up on a business idea that I've long considered but never knew quite how to begin. My idea was to write personal histories for people - the family stories you tell around the dinner table at Thanksgiving, Christmas and family gatherings. I thought to record these family members telling their stories, transcribe them and put them into bound books.

As I researched the idea and looked for a printer, one printing company in Utah mentioned that they print short-run books for many clients that are members of the Association of Personal Historians. Well, I joined the association to get some inside tips on how to get started, and had someone contact me from Afghanistan. My new client had had five members of his unit killed while doing an operation on deployment; all five men had families and young children and the unit wanted to have memorial books made for each of the widows. The timing worked out perfectly for each little step of the way... at first. Then we hit some snags in getting the interviews made and to me through the military postal system. We were unable to truly get moving on the project until mid-2008 as a result.

I finished the interviews - again - at the end of summer, 2009. Throughout this year, I've worked on finishing the transcription and have only two interviews remaining before I put everything into its final form and get it to a printer - before my client leaves with his family for Europe. Needless to say, now time is ticking down. My conscience weighs on me with these books, but not because of my client, he has been beyond patient and understanding. I worry about making these books truly worthy of the memories contained inside. Most of the work I've done this year has been at night, after Buttercup is in bed, sound asleep. I can get more uninterrupted work done that way and get further along in less time.

In completing my degree earlier this year, I hope to have shown my children that their education is important; in completing these books, I hope to show that being thorough and taking care to do a good job are also important. Through other events this year, my children have also seen what happens when we don't worry about the smaller details: the extra work that someone else has to do when trying to pick up the pieces, or how much work we cause ourselves when we don't do the job correctly the first time. They have also seen that postponing the work does not profit them either. Schoolwork and chores still have to be taken care of, regardless of whether it's during work time or time designated for play.

Do they always understand the lessons we're trying to teach them? You and I never did as children and pre-teens, so I'm sure they don't either. I am equally sure that over time they will see these lessons manifested more and more as their friends are not always held up to the same standards or as they see people in their own age groups leaving work behind that has to be taken care of by someone else. So what now? What can I do, while Buttercup is napping, to show my children the value of diligence? I can...

Get back to work!

Secrets of a Long Life

I've had some time to think about the older members of our society that I've met lately - at the Honor Flight event, at the grocery store, just in passing... And I've been asking them questions: What is your tip for a long-lasting marriage? What are your hobbies? Tell me about your life...

And I've found a few things they seem to have in common (no surprise to those social scientists, I suppose!)

By and large, those who worked hardest earlier in life - the mill workers, farmers, gardeners, wood workers, etc - have the softest hands. Their skin is like that of a newborn baby's. So soft, and by that point, callous-free somehow. You never want to lose that feeling - it is the symbol, I think, of a long life, well lived.

Almost all of those I've talked were in their mid-70s, 80s, and 90s and so many of them talked about their gardens, their puzzles and taking a walk every day. They talked about their wives (most I met have been men of late, not sure why!) and their old friends from past days. They talked about other hobbies as well: wood-working, sewing (for the ladies usually,) trying to get out to watch their great-grandchildren's ball games, making new friends and new memories every day. Refreshing the old memories from before. They remembered so much...

What stories they have been able to tell! I hope to save some of those stories - for myself, my children, and maybe to share a few on here in this blog. It seems that in gardening, cooking, reading, and playing games with my children, I am on a good track for a long, fruitful life. Or at least I hope so. I plan to keep asking questions and listening to their stories, so they can live on - even when they're gone...

Embracing Your Purpose - I

This is my crew. This is the group that makes every day worthy of a smile and a nod as I get up to search, bleary-eyed, for a cup of joe. I count every day with them a blessing because one day... all but Jeff will be gone. I need to enjoy each minute for what it has to offer because someday I'll look back with nostalgia even as I enjoy those future minutes. I don't need to continue (re-)living my "best" years from high school. Those minutes are gone. Here is where I need to be and where I make sure I am.


It was not always this way. I had to learn that lesson over a long time - not wasted time, because it did teach me the lessons I needed to know, but a long time...

When I was young, I joined the Navy, married, had Maestro, our first child, left the Navy and then... floundered. From my earliest memories, being in the military was all I had ever dreamed of doing. I wanted so badly to fly the F-16s. That part of my dream for life is the only part that did not come to pass.

What was to come after the military, I never gave much - any - thought to. I was going to stay in the military for 20 years, what did I need to think about? But I left the Navy when our oldest was 14 months old. In staying home with our son, at first, I was pretty miserable. I was lonely in that Georgia town; I stayed home with a 14-month old boy, pregnant with a second, and had no further aspirations than those that had already passed and been done with. My adventures were over at 23.

When our second son was four months old, we moved from Georgia to Maryland. The children, pets and I all went west to stay with my in-laws in Denver. Here is how that conversation went:

Me, talking to my father-in-law Jeff, who had always told us "if you ever need anything, just ask:"

Me: Hi, Jeff. You've always said if we need anything to just ask, and I know this may not be what you meant, but we're moving to Maryland and the kids and animals and I need a place to stay for a while until Jeffery (my husband) finds a house for all of us.

Jeff: Uh... Okay. How long are we talking about?

Me: I have no idea. We've never bought a house before, but I don't really think it will take longer than a month or two...

Now, I dearly love my husband's family. I am so blessed to be married into a family that I love and enjoy as much as my own birth-family, and my father-in-law and I get along very well, if I do say so myself. However, I'm preeetty suuure taking in his grown son's wife, two grandsons, three dogs (to which he is allergic), cat (also allergic), and six (at the time) birds was not quite what he meant when he said to just ask! My big, allergic, awesome father-in-law very nicely, and gamely said to come on out.

In the end, we stayed with him for about three months (Sept. - Thanksgiving) and Jeff found us a house. We stayed with my mom for the month of December until the New Year and then flew out to Maryland. In spite of being technically in a big city (Baltimore), the neighborhood is a throwback to the 1950's. There is an active Neighborhood Watch, there a lots of children on our street and the next one over who are very well behaved, the families get together for block parties and bar-b-ques - we just generally all get along well in spite of political differences, religious differences, etc. In short, it's a great place to bring our children through their formative years.

But what did that mean for me? I still had no real aspirations or goals. I was drifting. I was determined not to stay miserable in our new home. In the seven years since then, we've lost all but two dogs and the cat remaining, the rest all passed on; we have four children now - three boys and a girl, and life is a swiftly flowing river, to borrow a phrase. I've tried various work-from-home ideas: mystery shopping, direct sales, etc. Each of those lasted about two years (including one direct sales thing I did in Georgia) and each of those reconfirmed that I am not a born sales(wo)man! The one job I have kept working at, albeit slowly is the memorial book company I started when Jeff was gone for a stretch. The project I have been working on for that company is another blog post - but not for now.

The point to all of this is that there has to be a "next" - what comes after all the goals you've set for yourself have been met? What is your next goal? What are you reaching for? What are you hoping/dreaming/wishing will happen in your lifetime?

The question that should follow next is what are you doing - or going to do - to make those goals and dreams realities? The answer should never be a heavy sigh, rolled eyes or an admission of defeat. Think about your "self talk" - those words you say to yourself that affirm what is great about you, and what you are capable of - or those little nasty thoughts that come out that slow you down and make life dreary. If you are doing nothing to get to your goals, letting self talk destroy your dreams and who you are deep down, or if you're not even setting goals, then you've sold yourself short; you've given up on using the wonderful talents God gave you; you've squandered that which you were meant, and made, to share with others.

I firmly and truly believe two things: 1) there is a job out there for each and every person who wants one that will be pleasing to that person - I have known several men who worked at the local garbage dump and truly loved going to work each day. THAT is what I'm getting at with number one. 2) Ten percent of the people in our population (so I read years and years ago) work in jobs that they love - L.O.V.E - be one of the 10%. Life is too short to remain part of the back 90%. Every day that you get up, you should smile because you're getting ready to go to work and you love it.

With my children around me to wish me good morning every day, with the home schooling, baking, crocheting, photography and writing I get to do each day - when my feet hit the floor I am ready ... for a cup of coffee...

Oh wait... for work! Yes! Ready for... zzzzz... cooofffeee... WORK and the excitement that being a stay-at-home-mom provides each day while I watch my children grow, learn and shine. There is no better place to be. We have goals we're working on, and that is in part II of this post, but I can honestly say that I have a charmed life. Whether we're up or down as a family, whatever is going on, I am at peace with where I am in life. I am happy knowing that even when I don't get my way, there is a reason and better is always just a step around the next corner. Now on to the goals and achieving them - found in part II...

"Joyful Busywork"

"Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile." Pierre Coneille

My boys were supposed to be working on a new schedule today. Math, reading, writing, chores, music - you know the drill. They knew the drill but didn't like it. So they hemmed and hawed, they procrastinated, Bruiser (the 5 yo) took out his new 1/8 size violin a hundred times - and Maestro took the full size out (no he does not play, yet!) to "help."

After a morning in which I worked harder than the boys - I was exhausted and ready for a nap. Buttercup, the 20 month old, was finally ready for a nap at around 11. The boys got to have some quiet play time while I put her down and took a 20 minute power nap of my own. Fast forward to the afternoon - time for laundry, four full loads of laundry to be brought upstairs, folded and put away. The laundry was brought up and Maestro mentioned wanting to get a good workout in, so he had brought up two laundry baskets up at the same time by himself.

Lightbulb!

I put one boy onto doing "side straddle hops" (jumping jacks), one to running stairs, one to push ups. They were working so hard that it was relatively peaceful for me to get the laundry folded before the commencement of "Operation Stuff Drawer," followed by "Operation Stuff Shirt" and "Operation Stuff Wardrobe." They enjoyed that all so much that they asked for more exercise to do afterward and were huffing and puffing from the exertion of it all.

So it begs the question. Why can't I find an equally engaging way to get school work done? I suppose my biggest hurdle is the knowledge that I could do all sorts of quizzes, games, puzzles and such to get the messages across and the lessons learned, but doing so takes huge amounts of effort and free time while I put such a plan and schedule together. (Time for a solo trip to Panera, I think!) Perhaps I'll make that happen on specific days, but on the "off" days, the boys are going to have to learn to make their own fun and find the joy in the process and love of the labor itself.

It took years for me to learn to enjoy the process of mowing the lawn, washing the dishes or picking up the living room; that lesson was hard one - and my turning moment came in having a friend profess to "love doing dishes." This friend is so joyful in her outlook and in the many, many activities she is involved with that I really admire her.

Her husband is away frequently for work, she has three boys and a young dog. She home schools, like we do, and is also involved with boy scouts and active in church and yet, she rarely looks tired or worn out and has often been ready to take my own children into her home for play time and fellowship. Perhaps I make others tired with my activity level, but she has been an inspiration to me and a great help. Most of all, she helped me change my attitude about work and what it means to be joyful in all that we do.

Ecclesiastes 2:24: There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment [1] in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God...

I believe in joyful work; and I believe that work is helpful for changing a bad attitude. In our house, it's called "working out the grumpus" and after about 30 minutes (sometimes involving my children wailing over their bad fortune or poor choices) they begin to ask for the next job to do, and with a joyful countenance. That is one of my primary goals for this home school year: work done in a joyful attitude coupled with happiness and peace with one another.