I guess it's the Mom in me, but every time I look at my kids - particularly when they are sleeping and very still - the verse about being "Knit in the mother's womb" runs through me. And just like with the counting of hairs last week, I am in awe. It is written as a Hymn, a song - Psalm 139 -
1You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.2You know when I sit and when I rise;you perceive my thoughts from afar.3You discern my going out and my lying down;4Before a word is on my tongueyou, Lord, know it completely.5You hem me in behind and before,and you lay your hand upon me.6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,too lofty for me to attain.7Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence?8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,if I settle on the far side of the sea,10even there your hand will guide me,your right hand will hold me fast.11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide meand the light become night around me,”12even the darkness will not be dark to you;the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you.
13For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well....
And I am reminded that when I am overly angry with them, when I yell or am unkind because of my own stress in life, I am not doing what I'm supposed to as Mom. I am not honoring that they are Made by God. In those instances, I am not yelling because they are in immediate danger, but because I am not in control. I am not disciplining them because I care about their well-being, their love for one another or any other lofty goal. In those moments, I am just ... yelling. But they are fearfully and wonderfully made. How much damage can be done by yelling for the wrong reason? How have I affected them by not disciplining when or in the way I should? How have I affected their minds and souls by not acting out of love?
How have I affected mine?
This has weighed on me a lot lately. I am working to make changes so that my actions are right more often than they are wrong.
Pray for me.